listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
