Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
