I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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