another moral hangover. fuck.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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