The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
