The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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