Kiss
Puke
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
