And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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