we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
