Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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