I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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