omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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