help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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