Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
