so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
