He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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