Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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