the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
