is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
