Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
