Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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