is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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