Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
