id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
only if we run a train.
done.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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