guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
