Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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