i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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