drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish you could order shots online.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole