I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.