I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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