my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
