I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
