I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
