fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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