I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
