not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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