Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
