So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
