Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
