): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
