someone get that fucking seahorse.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
