weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
