great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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