I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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