Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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