standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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