i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
