You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
