it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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