Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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