i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize