Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
