dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
