You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
