absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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