wanna go halves on a baby?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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