I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
