Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
