she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
