I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
