OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
