She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
