If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
