Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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