I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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