apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
