i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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