The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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