you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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