I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
