What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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