I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
