I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
