I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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