I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
