where am i from again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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