Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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